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If You Could Name a Subdivision, What Would You Name It?


I'm a thesaurus type of guy, so I'd name mine The Outlet.
Lee DiGeorge


Wanker’s Rim
Alexis Siemon


Sunset Boy Band Estates. In the bylaws of the neighborhood association you must have dated or been a member of a boy band for acceptance.
Rene Dellefont


Cookie Cutter Creek
Jay Carlson


Fellatial Estates
Mason Gentry


Unicorn Rainbow Magic. It would be the prettiest, the sparkliest and the most colorful of all the neighborhoods, and there would be chocolate water fountains at every corner and talking cats!
J. Astra Brinkmann


Whispering Eye. It means vagina.
Cat McCord


Lone Pine Terrace
Sarah Brown


I would call it Shit Acres so that no one would want to live there. But all of my friends would know that Shit Acres is just a clever name meant to keep the assholes out, and it would secretly be the greatest neighborhood ever, and they'd all buy houses there. We'd do those things where you eat dinner but you have a different course at each house. What are they called? Progressive dinners? We'd do those and all of the food would be delicious and everyone would be loud and drunk and no one would complain to the cops. We'd also have a median down the center of the road, and in the summer, there'd be a giant Slip 'n Slide.
Tracie Masek


Eagle's Talon
Patti Carlson


Strokeswood Heights
Jason Royal


This is really funny because we happen to live in one of the few neighborhoods in town that isn't a labeled subdivision; it's just like fifteen houses on horse acreage. This either genuinely irritates my husband or he thinks it's funny to act genuinely irritated. Every time that we see another neighborhood in the area earn new entry monumentation or fancy signage he gets all huffy. "Those Alta Mira bastards," he grumps, "Look, they got a new fountain. Do WE get a fucking fountain? Where's OUR goddamn fountain?" The street that leads into our tiny non-subdivision is Bonarden Lane, so my husband has unofficially named our neighborhood Bonarden Garden. He keeps threatening to make a sign with plywood and spray paint and prop it up near the street with a couple of dying palm trees. He also wants to paint some of the letters backward so it looks like we're a subdivision full of dogs who can spell. We have an old broken fountain in the backyard; if we can somehow get the bees out of it, we're halfway there.
Erin Glaser


Issue #48: Solid like a rock. [Note: the rock is made of diamond]
Issue #48