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Telephone Pole Abandonment: One Cent


This isn't the first time that I've affixed money to a telephone pole, but this experiment is different because it's chest-level, and well, it's only a penny.

The way I see it, people pick up pennies on the ground all the time, and that requires bending over. I'm actually doing one lucky person a favor by raising the penny off the ground. You're welcome.

It's still there. The sun is shining for once and the penny is shining back. I find it difficult for a person not to notice beacon currency unless  that person has a cataract the size of a penny.


I'm mildly surprised that the penny is still available. Hundreds of people must see this penny and I thought at least one person would have capitalized on the opportunity. But on the other hand, it's only a penny. What does that buy you these days? Certainly not a cool story.


It rained today. That should soften the tape and make it much easier to peel off.


Nobody has taken advantage of this amazing offer. Is America playing hard to get? What more incentive do you people need? Oh, I get it, and I'll fix the problem tomorrow.


Two pennies have been officially taped to a telephone pole. Honest Abe has never looked more attractive. Admittedly, one penny isn't good for much these days, but two pennies...

They could pay for the tax on a ten cent piece of convenience store gum. Or someone could mutter, "Do you want to hear my two cents on the matter?" and then whip out these bad boys. The possibilities are endless.


Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?

A: We're not worth a dam.*


* Dam is an Arabic unit of measurement that is worth approximately one tenth of one penny. Hilarious.


Drastic times cause for drastic measures. There are now seven cents tapes to the telephone pole.Your calculator is telling the truth; this jackpot just increased itself by 350%. Why, that's enough to pay for a large piece of tape.



It's raining again. It's only a matter of time before the weight of the coins drags the tape to the ground, and some lucky person will have seven cents stuck to the bottom of his or her shoe.


Mr. Lincoln and Mr. Jefferson would like to welcome Mr. Roosevelt to the party. This is free money, people. It's funny because I see panhandlers at the train station all the time. If anyone asks me for fare, I'm going to direct him to the nearest telephone pole.


Time to bring out  the big guns. A bright and shiny quarter has been added to the jackpot. Forty-two cents is up for grabs. That's enough to pay for a yard of tape.


Finally. Enjoy it, freeloader.


Issue #48: Solid like a rock. [Note: the rock is made of diamond]
Issue #48