The Job Is Always Greener: A Curious Interview
(Originally appeared in Issue #16)

Everyone has highs and lows when it comes to their jobs. Lately, I've been feeling like a cold front is brewing. That's not to say that I don't like my job, but I can't help but think that someone else has found the key to job bliss. And maybe with a little prodding, they'll make me a copy. Shoe shine guys are always a source of wisdom, so my path to enlightenmight began there.

 

 
PLUG: Do you enjoy your job?

SHOESHINE: I do.

PLUG: Would you say your job is easy?

SHOESHINE:  No way. My job is hard.

PLUG: What makes it so hard?

SHOESHINE: It's hard to get customers. Look at me. I need a customer right now. [laughs]

PLUG: Maybe you need an easier job. Is there any job easier than yours?

SHOESHINE: A judge.

PLUG: A judge?

SHOESHINE: Yeah. The police do all the work, you know? They catch the criminal, but the judge just sit there, listen to the case, and then judge.

PLUG: What's a job that's harder than yours? What's the hardest job?

SHOESHINE: Manual labor. Manual labor. Those guys got it hard.

 

...Which led me to a guy sitting in the back of a delivery truck. Aside from the fact the man was "resting" (his words), he seemed to be the embodiment of manual labor.

 

 
PLUG: What do you think the easiest job is?

TRUCK: When you're running things.

PLUG: You mean, like, a manager?

TRUCK: No. Much higher than that. CEO.

PLUG: That's an easy job?

TRUCK: I think so. Stare at a bunch of paper. Make sure the figures are right. Nowadays a corporation probably doesn't do that. They just take the money and run.

PLUG:  What do you do?

TRUCK:   I deliver alcohol.

 

...Which led me to a guy who owned his own company. He also pays me money. Because he's my boss.

 

 
PLUG: I asked a delivery man who he thought had an easy job. He said a CEO.

BOSS: He was in the office?

PLUG: No. He was on the street. But you're the president of a company. What do you think of that?

BOSS: I think it's important for you to define easy, because does easy mean you don't have to think? Or does easy mean you don't have to exert physical energy?

PLUG: I think people probably think of it as, yeah, you don't do anything, but you get paid a lot.

BOSS: I think that you're probably right. When I think of easy, I think of stimulation that generates positive energy, and thereby directs one's energy in a way they get rewarded.

PLUG: So what do you think an easy job is?

BOSS: I know exactly what my answer will be. I think an easy job is the job one loves.

PLUG:  So… you're not picking a specific job.

BOSS:  I think the job that is easy for each person is the one that they are enthused about and connected with. That makes it easy.

PLUG:  So would you say your job is easy then?

BOSS:  Absolutely.

 

My boss made a lot of sense. Clearly, I had no other choice than to visit an adult video store.

 

 
PLUG:  Hey.

PORNO CLERK:  Hey.

PLUG:  Question. I want to know who you think has an easy job.

PORNO CLERK: Okay.

PLUG: My boss said… Hang on. I wrote it down. So, my boss said an easy job is one that has “stimulation that generates positive energy.”

PORNO CLERK: Okay.

PLUG:  Is that you?

PORNO CLERK: [laughs] What? What's this for? Are you renting?

PLUG:  Uh, no. I'm writing an article. For work.

PORNO CLERK: Okay. So what do you want?

PLUG: I want to know if you think you have an easy job.

PORNO CLERK: I don't know. Probably easier than most.

PLUG: Can you think of anyone or anybody that has an easier job than you?

PORNO CLERK: Um. [laughs] No.

Did you know that adult video stores will not allow you to take pictures inside of the store even if you ask nicely? However, they will allow you use a pocket tape recorder if they have no knowledge that the recorder is in your possession.

Your cursor just made out with my menu.
Issue #42