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Mystery Can II: Meet Tracie's Cans
(in the order that she consumed them)


Quail Eggs in Water

I'm not going to lie. This can lacks an expiration date and I found it in an Oriental Market filled with cans that had long-since expired. Eh, it's probably fine.


This was by far the largest can that I purchased. Tracie will have to consume at least 14 oz. of tomatillos and that makes me laugh. I don't find tomatillos particularly gross, but what in the hell is she going to do with all of those tomatillos? Her only option is to take her medicine and maybe throw the other 14 oz. at me.

Mangosteen in Syrup

Mystery Can isn't all three-days-of-beets. Sometimes it's fun to take the high road. I've never heard of a mangosteen before, but they look tropical. I hope they're packed whole like on the label.

Diced Rutabagas

I'm not sure that I've ever had rutabagas. They're probably tolerable, but damn if I know how to eat them. That's another key feature of this game; making your partner doubt herself. Does one boil rutabagas? Mash them up? Throw them in the trash like all of the other cans? So many possibilities.

Kadota Figs in Light Syrup

I think this can looks pretty tasty. Everyone likes fruit in syrup, right? This is my attempt to balance things out for when I make her eat the other cans that will probably shave five years off of her life.

Mungbean in Coco Cream
with Tapioca Pearls

The reason that I'm throwing Tracie so many bones is because being so gosh-darn nice helps me sleep at night. Especially after making her eat...

Whole Oysters

I couldn't help myself, but at least I bought her a small can of oysters. Patti is convinced that even with the small can, I am going to send Tracie to the emergency room. I think Patti's concern stems from an occurence of food poisoning after eating oysters. Hospitalization due to canned oysters is extremely unlikely, but I do have my fingers crossed that there will be vomiting.

Squid in Natural Ink

This can of squid (in natural ink) is my pièce de résistance. Purchasing it was like looking in a mirror at the monster that I've become. A cruel grin stared back at me and whispered, "Yes." Isn't squid in natural ink what Mystery Can is all about? Providing horrible memories and a boatload of regrets.

Spinach & Mustard Greens
with Ginger and Peppers

Although the individual ingredients aren't over-the-top, I'm banking on the unorthodox flavors to throw Tracie for a loop. I don't know what it is about opening a can without a label, but the contents always appear more menacing than they really are.

Bavarian Style Sauerkraut

I'm not saying that sauerkraut is disgusting, but the odds are in my favor that this pickled bomb will ruin any meal. I should know because Jason bought a can of sauerkraut for me to consume during the last Mystery Can. Abuse is a vicious cycle.



Read Jay's Journal

Read Tracie's Journal


Issue #36: No fun for a blind person
Issue #36