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Mystery Can II: Jay's Journal

DAY ONE: Cut Sweet Potatoes

Pre-Consumption: I plan to eat the biggest can first. Not that that means it's the can with the worst contents, but I feel like it will be a huge mental advantage right out of the gate. Procrastination breeds fear in the game of Mystery Can. The dinner that I've prepared is an egg salad sandwich with a side of sautéed spinach. Time for the big reveal.

Opening Ceremony: Uh. I don't know what that is (90% chance of candied yams, 10% chance of sweet potato). I'm not a fan of yams, but I'd rather have this than, say, one thousand year old egg.

How does one prepare yams? Do I strain them? I'm supposed to heat them up, right? They're runny as hell and they are making my sandwich soggy, but all things considered I feel like I dodged a bullet... at least compared to how Tracy will fare.

Post-Consumption: I nearly consumed the whole can, but woo, that was a lot of yams. I ate all but two lumps (out of twenty) because I am a trouper. I have a hard time believing that people eat these for fun. The texture is like pre-chewed baby food, soft enough to drink through a straw. I don't believe a person is supposed to eat a pound of starchy mush, but I served my time, and I'm crossing my fingers that it's all downhill from here.

Epilogue: I've had two beers since dinner and I feel nothing because those stinking yams are absorbing all of that alcohol goodness.



DAY TWO: Green Pigeon Peas with Coconut

Pre-Consumption: The dinner that I'm making tonight is Indian fare (dal makhani). The Trader Joe's package describes the meal as "black lentils and red kidney beans in a rich sauce with hints of butter." I've eaten it before. It's pretty good. All it is is beans and red stuff so it should be compatible with a Mystery Can. On the side I'll have some naan. Do your worst, Tracie, because everything goes with beans and bread. Except maybe more beans and bread, but I don't think they'd put that in a can.

Since I opened the biggest can on Day One, my strategy for Day Two is to pick the least attractive can. The one I picked has a plethora of glue marks, scuffs, and dents. I can only hope that the can is beautiful on the inside.

Opening Ceremony: I am going to be eating... ew. What is that? They look like beans with birth defects in a frothy cream of mushroom soup. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the contents are pigeon peas. I'm not really sure what pigeon peas are, but I don't know what these things in the can are either, so let's just say they're pigeon peas. I decided to drain the peas because they're much more colorful (read: less scary) after a good rinse.

Post-Consumption: The one kind of food that I didn't want to open was the one food that I got. More beans (or bean-like peas). They have an interesting taste, kind of like an earthier lima beans. I am going to be making a lot of rainbows at work tomorrow.



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Issue #36: No fun for a blind person
Issue #36