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The Bagel Awakening

I ride the train every day and am often a captive audience to preachers who are hell-bent on putting reading material into my hands. Their message is always the same: my faith should be your faith. I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to feel passionate about something, but I do have a problem when a person assumes that I want to listen to their sermon instead of my music.

Just once I want to stand up on the train and counter-preach about something that I care about; bagels. By the time that I get to the part about the divine spread of cream cheese and salmon, I just know that I'll have hooked people with my message. Let us now bow our heads and listen to the gospel of the hole-y bread. Now and forever more. Amen.


I made a zine titled The Bagel Awakening which I passed out during the train sermons. A dozen people accepted the publication and somehow even more people handed them back to me. I'm proud of my creation, so I'm offering The Bagel Awakening for download in its full glory just because I like you. Here's how to get it:

1. Click this link: The Bagel Awakening PDF. It will not make sense if you read the document in this format, so please do yourself a favor and proceed to Step 2.

2. The PDF document contains two pages. Print both pages of the PDF in such a way that Page One of the document prints on one side of a 8.5" x 11" piece of paper and Page Two prints on the other side.

3. Cut the piece of paper in half width-wise (perpendicular to the longest side). You should end up with two strips of paper 8.5" x 5.5".

4. Place the strips back-to-back so that the cover page reading "The Bagel Awakening" faces outward and "Divine Toppings" on the other strip also faces outward.

5. Fold in half and read. For extra credit, find a stapler that will reach to the crease in the middle. I've never been very good with stapling zines, so I always hand-poke a staple through and bend it with my fingers. I'm strong.


Issue #34 - The Internetís Renewable Resource
Issue #34