The Voodoo That You Do: A Journal To Learn From

Sticking a pin into a doll's cotton blood doesn't seem like it would have an effect on the inner workings of the human body. However, voodoo has been a form of folk magic for over a hundred years, so there must be some basis of truth to it, right?

I made a cloth doll of myself, blessed it with a kiss on the forehead, and invited Patti to stick pins into its plushy body for three days. She was allowed to poke as few or as many pins into the doll as she wanted. Meanwhile I maintained a wellness journal until Patti revealed each day's pin placement. Now let's get poking.


8:06 a.m. - Patti told me that she just stuck the first pin(s) into the doll. I don't feel anything abnormal, although I did just use the bathroom, so maybe she stuck a pin in my cotton butt. I think it's safe to say that if there are any consequences of a pin being stuck into a voodoo doll, the results are not immediate. Oh wait. Hold the phone. All of a sudden, my nose is running, so my initial gut reaction is telling me that Patti stuck a pin in my cotton nose. More likely, though, is that this experiment has turned me into a hypochondriac.

1:23 p.m. - I'm assessing my body constantly, looking for any part that feels sub par. The problem is that I don't feel anything, good or bad. The skin on my middle finger is peeling, but there's not pain, so I doubt that's it. Maybe I was right about the runny nose, and the voodoo effect doesn't last all day.

3:02 p.m. - I've got a lump in my throat. I don't feel sick in the least, but every time that I speak to someone I repeatedly clear my throat. Perhaps the longer that a needle is stuck in a voodoo doll, the worse that a symptom becomes. In light of this new development, my number one prediction is that Patti stuck a pin in my cotton throat. How dare she!

9:54 p.m. - I may not know where the pin is exactly, but I'm fairly confident that I know where it's not; my legs. I think the pin is in my throat. Runner up would be my nose.

The Big Reveal...


PATTI:  Ready? [opens box]

JAY:  It's in my ear! My left ear.

PATTI:  More specifically, the ear lobe, because I wanted to cause as little damage as possible.

JAY:  Aw. That's sweet!

PATTI:  And you don't typically bleed on your ear lobe. And it doesn't even really hurt that much, so it's like you got a little earring. And I made sure to do the left ear. You know, sometimes when you do the right ear people make fun of you because they think that you're gay or something. That's what they did in junior high.

JAY:  Good choice. I had no idea.

PATTI:  I just didn't want to cause you any physical damage, so I did the fleshy part of your ear lobe. There's no cartilage or anything that would really hurt.

JAY:  Well I was not close at all.

PATTI:  You were on the face.

JAY:  I was. I said nose and throat. You know what? Maybe voodoo is like acupuncture, where if you poke my ear it makes my throat hurt.

PATTI:  Acupuncture is supposed to make you feel better though.

JAY:  That's true, but you're not a licensed professional.

PATTI:  No. I must have done it wrong. Should I take [the pin] out now?

JAY:  Sure. My ear is killing me.



Take a Stab at Day Two

Issue #32: Like giving yourself a really cool blowjob
Issue #32