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Signs of Boredom: A Journal To Learn From

12:56 p.m.

I think Sign #3 is bound to be the most confusing of the lot. I think people are genuinely going to think I'm advertising a car wash. Who knows? There very well could be a car wash five miles thataway. And if there's not, I said probably.

 
 

 

12:57 p.m.

People's tolerance towards signs have evolved. They now prefer signs that are really dogs.

 
 

 

1:00 p.m.

PLUG:  Oh, my arms are so tired.

WOMAN:  I bet.

PLUG:  Yeah. I need to work out more.

WOMAN:  That'll do it.

PLUG:  Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not a lot of weight, but whoo! I'm feeling it. I'm feeling the burn.

WOMAN:  Plus you have your arms extended.

PLUG:  It's crazy, you know. I can stand two feet from a car, but nobody makes eye contact with you. It's the darndest thing.

WOMAN:  [laughs] They're like, Don't look! Don't look!

PLUG:  Exactly. Don't look at the crazy man with the sign.

WOMAN:  Have fun.

PLUG:  Thank you very much. -- Car wash probably! We don't know! Only time and walking will tell.

 
 

 

1:03 p.m.

This car wash sign is genuinely creepy, and I can't believe how much excitement that brings me. I feel drunk with power. I've graduated from awkwardly singing to car passengers to awkwardly singing to pedestrians. I do believe that my life's work of humiliation is coming along nicely.

 
 

 

1:06 p.m.

Pain. Pain. "Car wa--" Pain.

Holy crap my arms hurt. My biceps, triceps, quads, fivers, and deltoids are going to be the size of tree trunks tomorrow.

Signs with sticks are completely underrated.

 
 

 

1:07 p.m.

PLUG:  You know what? People just don't give a shit about car washes anymore. I thought they would be very happy to hear that there may or may not be a car wash. Instead, they're shunning me. That makes me preach the message even louder. The end of dirty automobiles is near! Wash away your sins!

 
 

 

1:10 p.m.

I think I've been barked at more than I've been approached. Pedestrians smile at me, but I think they assume that I'm here to sell them something other than two seconds of head-scratching.

 
 

 

1:12 p.m.

MAN ON BIKE:  So uh, do they do bikes?

PLUG:  Yeah. Only time and energy will tell, but I would imagine so. If you have money, they'll do anything, probably.

 
 

 

1:14 p.m.

PLUG:  Scientists have predicted that there may or may not be a car wash somewhere that way. We don't know for sure.

 
 

 

1:15 p.m.

PLUG TO PEDESTRIAN:  You were just going in the direction of the maybe car wash.

MAN IN CAR:  [yelling] Hey, man! We're in a drought!

PLUG:  Whoo!

MAN IN CAR:  [yelling] What the fuck is wrong with you?

PLUG:  Car wash!

MAN IN CAR:  [yelling] We're in a drought!

PLUG:  Wow. That was one angry citizen [over] a joke sign.

 
 

 

1:17 p.m.

Aaron Dallas took all of the photographs for this article. He was stealthy like a panther. He only got asked, "What's the deal with that sign guy?" thirty times.

AARON: I gotta say that the crowd response to the signs was overwhelmingly positive. People who walked by me would laugh and clearly got the joke. The first sign (Ugly Tie) was the most provocative, because the people were engaged. They didn't understand why you didn't wear that tie anymore so they had to ask you about it. It's a bold statement, because you could wear the tie some more, but you don't want to. The last sign (Car Wash) was definitely the most standard joke. It was clearly a take-off on a sign that drivers see all the time. I think most people read and said, "I get it," and then moved on.

 
 

 

Read These Other Signs:

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Issue #28: You Went Thataway!
Issue #28