Plug/CounterPlug: Where Do Beans Grow?
Beans Grow Above Ground
by The Plug
I've never seen a bean in its living state, but I have read Jack and The Beanstalk. Check out the title. It's not Jack and the Underground Root He Shimmies To China. You want more proof that fairy tales dictate science fact? Beans are like peas, and peas grow on vines. Therefore, beans (the magical fruit) swing that way, too. Above ground. Blowing in the wind, all high and mighty, chillin' next to a hen that lays golden eggs.
And If I'm wrong, I will sue Seffner Elementary School.
Beans Grow Underground
by Mason Gentry
I heard that Karl Marx once said, "Wise is the worker who sows his own soil with that most handsome of veggies, the bean. The fruits of his labor shall be priceless and pod-like and come from the ground."
Jay "Money Bags" Carlson would have you believe that beans, like money, grow on trees. But if this were true, how could they have been picked back in Marx's day? Ladders wouldn't be invented for another 50 years or so. Stools another 75.
Even if the beans hung low on the branch, workers wouldn't be able to reach them on account of all the rampant scoliosis back then. You've seen those Millet paintings. Their Z-shaped backs wouldn't allow it.
In conclusion Karl Marx is always right, and beans, like pickles, grow in the ground.
